Breathing in the memory of my baby

Today I came across this bag. This bag has Killian’s clothes and blankets in it. The ones that I was supposed to wash the day he died. I put my face in those clothes and I breathe deep. And I smell him. And it brings me most happiness and the deepest pain all at the …

Choices; In life and after death

Choices. Choices are a funny thing. Every choice you make is completely unique to you. You have at least two in every situation life throws at you. Lots of people have said that I’m coping with Killian’s passing well, that I’m a strong person. I don’t believe that I’m any stronger than anyone else. When …

Celebrating a short life – October 29, 2018

Saturday was Killian’s celebration of life. The turnout was overwhelming, to say the least. The sheer amount of people who showed up to show support and to celebrate our little Bean was unbelievable. On top of that, I received so many kind messages from people who couldn’t make it, but were keeping us in their …

Signs he’s still with me after he’s gone – October 26, 2018

Our little Bean is home. He was cremated in Toronto, and was sent here. Dean picked him up last night. As hard as it was to get that package, he’s finally home, which is so nice. He’s finally getting integrated into our life here, and that’s what I wanted more than anything. Everyone has their …

Be kind, always

I was out doing errands yesterday for most the day. It was all very normal. I was trying to be friendly and personable to people I dealt with, but was definitely not going to be winning customer of the year award. I was sitting in the car in between stops thinking about how all the …