And so it begins

Life shattering heart break brought me here.  Its a strange thing...to start, something, anything.  I want to just give a little introduction to our story, our journey that we've been on. Seventeen weeks ago my world changed. We were given the life changing news that our beautiful baby had a serious heart condition.  A Congential …

To Killian, Love Mom

Dear Killian. Hi my sweet baby. I feel you around me so much. I feel your presence. I feel your sweet little spirit in so much that I do. You are my fox, my guide. You’ve taken my compass of life and completely spun it. Like a magnetic field. It’s still spinning and I’m not really …

I am more than a Mom

I am a mom. I love being a mom. And I consider myself a pretty good one (despite my consistent ability to burn grilled cheese). I love my children with every inch of my heart. The ones beside me, and the ones that are not. But that’s not all that I am. Losing my son, …

That last hour

It’s 130 am. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, that last hour keeps replaying. Over and over. Like a song on the radio that you just can’t stand to hear one more time. I want to change the channel, because I’m tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally tired. But I can’t. There’s no …

The never ending tide of Grief

They say time heals all wounds...I don’t know who “they” are, but they got it wrong. Time does not heal all. Just like all the heart warriors battling this beast, we as parents have deep and angry scars. To say we will heal is a flat out lie. We’ll patch and bandage and medicate, but …

Breathing in the memory of my baby

Today I came across this bag. This bag has Killian’s clothes and blankets in it. The ones that I was supposed to wash the day he died. I put my face in those clothes and I breathe deep. And I smell him. And it brings me most happiness and the deepest pain all at the …